the !hwei construct

My Head

2008-06-18T17:56:00.003+08:00

Awesome.

AtomFilms.com: Funny Videos | Funny Cartoons | Comedy Central

Mashed potatos are delicious; Mashed poems too!

2008-06-11T23:48:00.006+08:00

Today was a long day, somewhat.

I daren't describe it to you for fear of making that primary school english composition mistake that I, amongst most people, commit. the dull, sequential, factual listing of events.

I was at NUS the whole day, from since the sky was drizzling hesitantly unto the dewy grass, to when the sky concealed the only 'dews' left -- on sundews.

I went for the USP creative writing 3 day workshop (no no no I was not at the workshop for the whole day there. just for the morning only!). Missed the first day on Monday. Went for the second day today. Already looking forward to Friday. Oh and to state the obvious -- it was interesting.

There was this Nature Walk activity which is more of a stationary walk actually, hence it is more like Nature Stand/Sit/Crouch. It was actually at what is like a mini-park, for those who know, it is that place below the Central Library with trees and grass and benches... yup. So it is just 15 minutes, writing about your experience right at that one spot, then presenting them to the class later.

I thought it would be easy.

So I decided to write about how 'nature' purifies us as we lose all our superficial identities (college student, programmer, blogger, wadeva-er...) ... standing there, metaphorically naked and being who we truly and simply are.

To my horror, the words wouldn't flow. Damn.

I suddenly realised how long since I've written anything descriptively. Have my thoughts dried up over time?

Then an ant bit me... and so inspiration gnawed unto me, quite literally.

After the 15 minutes, I had nearly a paragraph, and was trying hard to polish up here and there, like tiling the floor and painting the walls once a house has been built.

Then, we were instructed to contribute only one sentence, or phrase, which we think is the best of all that we've written. Ahh I should have paid more attention earlier, then I could have just worked hard on one sentence and not try to perfect an entire paragraph.

At random, we were picked to contribute, and the lines were stacked to construct a poem. You would think it is impossible that the poem make any sense, considering that random lines by random people were just mashed together, furthermore, without sorting.

But hey, I was pleasantly surprised at how cool it was that it all made sense -- somewhat. Here goes:

Playing the drums for a tribal sacrifice

There are holes in the sky

Part of a wall of trees that shields me from the forestry beyond

A breeze slips among the branches and shakes them, and the ground is suddenly spattered with drops of water

Brightening dead leaves

Forming blood bars of steel

From my arsenal of five I pick the pinky and I remove the ant from existence

To the East, a forest gleams with the sun

The trees, subcutaneous, wind their tendrils outwards in an expanding vortex of heretical invasion

Life crawls by

I suppose life is like that, we live it, lose it, forget it and move on

From the short thick fingers above, that lock each other in place like a jigsaw puzzle that forms a partially permeable umbrella

Pendulous swaying to the passing breath

Charred the water with my figments of memory

Sometimes I tell myself it would be interesting to be a tree, and then I wake up

Life surrounds and stings

Then the whir of mechanical beasts resounds overhead, and the moment is gone

The gauze canopy phases in and out with the light sifting through

Beautiful ain't it?

Oh I'll leave the guessing, as to which line is by me, to you. A tiny blatant clue, I already gave.

Today was a long day, somewhat

Soporific

2008-05-30T23:52:00.004+08:00

I'm just tired.

i've been really tired these few days.

come to think of it, that's why holidays are relaxing. you can't relax until you have been made tired, can you?

so stop that cynicism and complaint over how our 'holiday' as a student ain't really a holiday.

because you are tired, you are able to rest better. and because you are able to rest better, you are more relaxed. a holiday is when you relax.

then i remembered my personal vow to write a book. perhaps I shouldn't spend too much time on blogs. I don't know if blogging is good for me at all; Mere disorganised remarks, fragments of my thoughts --- perhaps it is making my writing so much more porous.

people always don't understand me, my writings neither. sometimes i feel lost and out of place... supposedly perfectly sensible stuff seems like nonsense to me. Perplexed, I am -- mystified at my intrinsic mystery. Sometimes i vie for your understanding....

...but why should I want you to understand me anyway?

Must I live to be a slave of your comprehension?

Two ants crawling along the wall, into collision course. I'm playing God, ain't I. They contacted, God, however, doesn't know what they did, then both of them proceeded off together in the same unified direction.

Must ants achieve bodily contact to communicate?

If humans had to, similarly, what would it be like?

Life's simple as an ant. No mobile phones, no money,... and they live on my wall. dammit. no rent too?

Have you watched Gone Baby Gone? It is an old movie already yea.. but still -
I like the way morality unfolds...

Moral dilemmas have been clouding my mind ever since i sat in those philosophy lectures. Reason and persuasion, and morality. Hah.. I simply love them. It is sad... to major in philosophy doesn't really give you much of an edge, except unless you want to be a teacher/lecturer in that area... most people will just hate you for being a pompous weirdo

have you ever realised that, despite all our advancements in science... we have yet to prove reality? I mean.. you have watched The Matrix right? How can you know that we aren't already living in that virtually constructed world? You say.. because of the dynamic nature of people around you? How about Artificial Intelligence for that... As in a computer game, you are interacting with AI or human players? This is essentially self-centric thinking, but if you cease to exist, the world (being your virtual creation) would therefore cease to exist.

I can't understand why you would want to do your homework.

sorry. just my stream of weary thoughts.

I'm just tired.

Alas, normalcy.

2008-05-27T19:23:00.003+08:00

I handled toxic chemicals. Osmium and more. Check.
I am not unhappy.
I crashed a lecture, Reason and Persuasion. Check.
I am happy.
I slept with the lights on, Twice and Consecutively. Check.
I am not unhappy.
I walked 4 traffic lights, under heavy rain, then realised that I started at my destination. Check.
I am happy.
I saw myself in a mirror tripping over a ledge. Check.
I am -
when I am me, Today is.

"I'm the gentleman you spoke to earlier."

2008-05-24T11:06:00.005+08:00

"That would be for me to judge."

The immediate response in my mind was similar to that of the writer. I always feel, compelled, yet fearful, when I encounter something like that... whereby the line I read seems to be written by me, echoing exactly what I'm thinking.

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Click on the thumbnail above to enlarge it

permalink: http://www.newenglishreview.org/blog_direct_link.cfm/blog_id/14946

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Mary Jackson maintains "that a gentleman is a man who knows how to play the trombone but doesn't". In essence, she is saying that a gentleman is a humble man. Possibly, a man who also appreciates music and the arts.

While I do not disagree with her definition, I can't help but think that it is a tad too out-dated.

Well to be fair, the whole notion of 'gentleman' dates far, far back, into the Victorian era or thereabout. The associations of a gentleman back then, surprisingly, still seems stuck in our minds even till today... associations, like the iconic black hat, and the stick, and the coat that you would willingly place over a puddle of water for a lady to walk across...

Oh c'mon. I would think that in today's world, that idyllic impression has already been driven over, quite literally, by cars, and more ... cars, cash, CEO, even contraceptives, and whatever C's that you can come up with.

Perhaps, you may wan to try and consider the whole idea of the "(Victorian) gentleman" as a leftover fantasy... the silenced desire for someone to notice you, to respect you, and to hold the door open for you. Silenced. These little details that you desire so much are silenced by the "pursuit for happiness", an euphemism for a more sordid reality - the (selfish and vicious) struggle for money. In today's world, if you can play the trombone then play it. And play it loud so everyone hears it. Why keep be humble and it a secret? Today, play it. But not too loud, for they may go deaf; and not to proud, for your audience may be put off. Today, play it. Then get famous, then get rich, then purchase more fame, buy some friends, time, love......use that currency to construct your (false) reality the way you want it. Alright.. okay.. ok... I know.. I'm going too far.. but you get the idea.

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In fact, I've always wondered why people nowadays say "be a gentleman". Or at least, that is what we (as boys) were always told... "be gentlemanly", et cetera et cetera... My emphasis here, is on the word "be/ being". Even though they sound the same, I'd like to emphasise that there is a huge difference between "He is a gentleman" and "He is being a gentleman". The earlier, meaning an achieved state, and the latter, meaning a process towards that state.

Consider the letter from Rhidian Llewellyn:
"... the great advantage of being born a gentleman is that one never need behave like one."

Perhaps you may just want to read into that as a lampoon at the concept of "gentleman". Yea... it is like how being born a king means one doesn't necessarily have to possess great leadership skills and ethics. Similarly, born gentleman (societal class) doesn't mean being gentleman (behavior).

But take it seriously, and i reveals a greater truth (truth... defined by my subjective personal opinion). It is crucial, as you read on, to be extremely sensitive to the distinction between "be/ become" and "is/ are". If you are a gentleman, then you don't have to be a gentleman. This embodies a very important idea by Martin Heidegger ( INFO?

Dasein: Being and Time

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Martin Heidegger's "Being and Time" is a devotion to the understanding of the relationship between our "being" and "time".
You may want to consider future as the constant projection of every human being. Thus, life is the process of "becoming", being something.
Check out this link for more information on 'Dasein'..
Also consider reading this.

) : Be Oneself. Be what you already are. "Be", is this sense, I emphasise again, denotes a process ('becoming'), a projection towards achieving the state of being "gentleman".

My personal take, is that a gentleman is simply a man who 'becomes' what he already is. In other words, he does not pretentiously try to be that stereotypical, traditional, out-dated, Victorian 'gentleman'.

Jean-Paul Sartre then adds on that he "cannot cease to believe that one is, and one is made of, whatever is made of one". However convoluted, basically, it simply means that, we are ourselves.

You are a gentleman (if there is even such a word), if you'd just be what you already are, not something else.

A Social Pastime

2008-05-20T22:33:00.001+08:00

as requested -

Test and tried: The HERD phenomenon.
a chronicle, dedicated to the rogue, as presented herein,

"Why don't we walk up this stairway, then exit at the third floor?"

"But isn't the classroom on the fourth?"

"Yea, but I bet that if we exit on the third, those behind us would simply follow"

"Unless - "

I turned back: about 5 of them, chatting among themselves. totally oblivious. unaware of plans being made at the front where I am at.

Good - seems highly favourable. Engrossed in conversations, I'd think they are only aware of their immediate surroundings, i.e. one another/ whoever is talking.

Turning back, I saw that we are just onto the second landing.

Have to make a decision quick - real quick. Alright, alright. It should be fine and fun. Make it smooth; make a conscious purposeful act appear as an ordinary and natural move, no, i mean process. One last snapshot at my peripheral vision, and a last reassurance from my eardrums - of the vivid chatter and disoriented footsteps - and its decided.

"Alright...I, too, think they would blindly follow. Especially so, considering that they even headed off in the wrong direction just now."

A nod, characterised with a roguish grin. The (cheeky) affirmation. We flowed out of the third floor exit. The shepherd and the sheep. Three quarters of us have already gotten through, not a single bewildered look. A success!

But then I thought, that wouldn't be fun if no one took notice at all. I didn't want no one to realise, neither did I want someone to realise.

At this very moment, stuck in stalemate, the game ended abruptly. And, Thankfully. Like the desired nuke at an impasse. The last guy, yes truly the very last guy, just after stepping across the door-frame questioned. A shepherd in a sheep disguise. It was both a resignation and relief .. the 'at last' feeling.

The rest of the events, you can probably already weave by yourself - back into the stairwell, and up to the fourth level, and into the correct classroom. Duh!

-------------------------

I'm bored (evidently so). I am one who is always amazed at such contingencies. Despite the immorality and lack of consent (of the 'subjects'), these social experiments bring some colour into my greyscale reality. You already wouldn't want to know about the others, would you?

Clockwise Right? Left.

2008-05-17T14:12:00.003+08:00

Source: Herald Sun

Do you see the dancer spinning in a clockwise or anticlockwise manner?

I see it as clockwise at first glance... anti-clockwise seems impossible. But I blinked, look away... and out of the corner of my eye suddenly it appeared to be anti-clockwise.

After awhile, clockwise again. Then anti-, then...
This is tearing me apart! (intrigue)

If only it were in a convenient file format, I will have it, with little hesitation, as my laptop/phone screensaver. Since it's different each time, I wouldn't get bored of it. Maybe, Maybe. Perhaps.

Seriously, how do you see it (at first impression, and also thereafter?)?

untitled

2008-05-15T21:57:00.010+08:00

Today was a peculiar day. Today was - worth writing. Today is different. If you had read my earlier post about Sisyphus, then this will seem, at first glance, rather contradictory. For, then, I had emphasised the repetitiveness of life, yet now, you see me saying today is 'peculiar'.

But it is precisely because of the monotone of everyday, that today stands out to be different. Like how a patch of blood on the shirt of white collar workers is deemed 'peculiar' - an eyeball magnet. In contrast, you wouldn't even really notice blood on a front-line infantry's uniform. Why? That office worker's life pretty much the same everyday, as dull as the colour of his shirt.

But you have never been a soldier, and perhaps that comparison fails. But I bet you had someone accidentally step on your toe before, or had, on an unfortunate account, a heavy object dropping on your toe. Well then, today is the day, where at a particular moment, a temporal lost of grip allowed the rock just enough time to roll backwards and flatten the toes of Sisyphus, before he recovered control of the rock.

So today was peculiar, and I am not overstepping my earlier point about my Sisyphean existence. But peculiar is a term devoid of judgment, peculiar means neither good nor bad, it only means different, unconventional. Today was neither good nor bad. It was eventful - not physically but emotionally. I did not step on a pin today, but my "self" grazed a pin. Um, put it like that: Today is when the Sisyphys-Me, for some nebulous reason, turned and looked behind. Yes I'd prefer to use this parallel - looking behind, we saw the absurdity of our actions. Nothing was felt by our toes, but something was felt in our minds (or if you be more poetic, then our souls). Sisyphus was probably shook aghast when he saw the absurd emptiness (lack of meaning/purpose/objective), the large vacuum of nothingness behind him sucked all the breath in his lungs.

You see, looking behind is just a very simple action, isn't it? But it created turmoil in Sisyphus' mind, sprouting dangerous questions like "why am I doing this?", "what is my purpose here?". Dangerous, because they threatened his happiness and sanity. To not think about those questions, and to merely be totally engaged in rolling the rock up the mountain, ensured his happiness.

For me, to put it simply, today was only a very short day. Short, as in, very few happenings. I couldn't really understand why, 7am to 5pm today passed quickly. That's uhh.. 10 hours? But it passed quickly, perhaps because for most of it I was away? Lost in thought. During lessons, during lectures, you are able to keep track of time, and therefore in feels a drag. But when lost in thought, we forget to keep track of time.

At this point, I feel the need to tell you that I am not comfortable with sharing my thoughts directly. They are mine, selfishly mine, only for my review. But I share my reflections about my thoughts. I pen down, not my thoughts, but my reflections of my thoughts here. So, I say "no!" and blows a raspberry at you, if you are reading this with the intention to discover what specifically happened to me today (or rather, what happened today, that is relevant to me).

It was nothing much actually, small and insignificant, but it is immense, and heart-rattling. You know about breaking glass right? A sound, when adjusted to a precise frequency that is equal to the natural frequency of the glass, will result in what is known as acoustic resonance, and consequently an amplification of the vibrations, finally shattering the glass. The sound, more often than not, can be very soft/small (low volume), or sometimes, it is out of our human hearing range. It is like waves on the ocean - or no, even better, it is like pushing a kid on a swing. If you are the sound (as in, "You" are the representation of "Sound"), and you apply force and push the swing forward (as in, your pushing action, represents the sound waves) at the very right moment, where it coincides with the swing's natural rhythm, the swing will move further and faster. Keep repeating this, synchronising your pushes with the moment of the swing, and the swing will go further and higher each time. So, when the pieces making up the glass don't stay still and move around too much, then the glass shatters! Therefore, it (the sound) is nothing much actually, but it is glass-shattering.

No, I still won't tell you what is it. It is not fair. Perhaps too sordid for your prying eyes.

By coincidence and nothing else (I'm atheistic), these lines stood out, as if they were mine, as I read Nausea ?

Nausea:

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Title: La Nausée (Nausea)
Author: Jean-Paul Sartre
"A new translation of Sartre's celebrated first novel. Written in 1938, Nausea remains one of the peaks of Sartre's achievement. It is a novel of the alienation of personality and the mystery of being, and presents us with the first full length essay in the philosophy for which Sartre has since become famous. Nausea is a novel of brilliant observation, wit, and psychological penetration by one of the world's front-rank intellectuals."
[Fiction/Literature]
more info

just now,

- Monday -
How could I have written this absurd, pompous sentence yesterday:
'I was alone, but I walked like a band of soldiers descending on a town.'
I have no need to speak in flowery language. I am merely writing to understand certain circumstances. I must beware of literature. I must let my pen run on, without searching for words.

Yes what pain. Being caught up is all that ... Who am I writing for? - Well, obviously it depends on the kind of writing... But then all of then are subject to cruel judgement. Sure, I can think whatever I want because it is my mind. But can I write/type whatever I think? Who must I appeal to? That "absurd, pompous" assessment of his own statement was most likely not his own! It must be other's opinion of his writing. Not his! He felt that "it was like a band of soldiers" and so he had written that description in an earlier diary entry. The imagery probably appealed to him very well. Pompous? He felt that way at that moment, while walking down the street. What is wrong with that? Can he not express his own feelings?

The answer I realised, is no. He is a slave to the judgment of others.

He can't. Well, in practice he can, as it had just happened. But he can't do that without being shunned aside as a [I can't find a word], where people just see him as a weird, ignorant, pompous guy. But that is obviously undesirable. You can, in practice, run straight into the enemy's crosshairs. Just undesirable, you agree? But would you want to? And likewise, would he?

And he had just made another critical mistake "I must let my pen run on, without searching for words". No! He must lose himself. Displace his very own personality with the potential reader's mind. Then, he must see, and only see, as the hand that is not his anymore grips the pen and writes. Only like this, then he'll write well. Because he is doomed to only be a slave of other's judgement. His unique style and unconventional touch amounts to naught if the readers thinks it is utter "crap".

Alright alright, you wouldn't like reading this.

So anyway, today was eventful, 'thought'fully. It is peculiar, out of the ordinary. But it is not considered 'bad'. Because something neutralised it. Scorching me with acid, and cleaning up with base. I am okay now, at the moment of writing this. But it is the aftermath... the damaged skin tissue, the residual salt.

The base was something which I didn't appreciate for quite some time. A scientific certainty. Doing an experiment and doing it right. I am, after all, the judge of my own experiment. No pesky readers. Overall, it is like a reassuring scientific certainty. 1+1=1.

Catharsis.

No more bitter acrimony, but neither alkaline uplifted-ness. I'm just calmly spiteful. Neutral, but not untouched.

At least for now.

I usually scroll up, re-read, and tidy up my posts, correcting errors and tuning the flow... but, not for this. Time and mood forbid. Anyway so what if all that's above is just incoherent gibberish? I have learnt. it matters to me, as cathartic writing. Just not this time. Yes, comment please, hate, like, if you'd choose to, it is okay, but I beg you, judge not too harshly.

My thoughts & review of Nim's Island

2008-05-14T22:02:00.003+08:00

Nim's Island was rather nice.

----- Spoiler Alert : Unsafe region -----

Nice, with a little bit of cheekiness, I sense...

"Alex Rover" was supposed to be a man. Nim had believed so throughout her email correspondence with "Alex Rover". But Nim realised, only upon meeting Alexandra in person, that "Alex Rover" was just a pen name that the writer Alexandra adopted. And it turned out, to Nim's surprise, that Alexandra was female. Conveniently so, I would say. Alexandra just filled up the vacancy - father-mother-daughter. The story started with a duo (father and daughter) on the island. The story ended with a trio (a complete family) on the island. It made me believe that it was by the authors/scriptwriters cheeky touch, that "Alex Rover" turned out not to be a male only at the very last minute. The revelation was so last minute that it leaves trailing thoughts, for we would conventionally assume that another man on the island was not needed, because father-father-daughter relationship wouldn't work out as well as father-mother-daughter, unless ---

A cheeky touch indeed! Don't you think so?

----- End of unsafe region -----

After watching the movie, and thinking about it in a hasty manner that can be likened to scrubbing through the video in my mind with the resultant cacophony of voices trying to grab my conscious attention, I brushed past another significant thought. My cognition, admittedly disorganised, goes roughly as follows, "... like... adventure stories... island... bravery, overcoming...". I mentioned that that was significant (or at least, one that I would personally consider worthy), because my thoughts were truncated after that.

The smooth reflective flow was disrupted as I considered how I had categorised the movie/story. Adventure. The devices are almost always the same, there must be an island, there must be a calm sea turned restless, there must carry some moral/theme such as bravery or grit, and so on.

Adventure?

Had I at the moment, denounced the brilliance and novelty of the written script?

Adventure!?

So it is just another such story, all built upon the 'adventure' template!?

Adventure...

Or the lack thereof... We all want to keep things simple, don't we. In it, the shameless need to categorise. System over style. It is not my fault, at least not to a very great extent though, because I am human. Human, or Man's egoistic nature calls for the need to be in control - to manage via 'divide & conquer' means.

Adventure.

The callous denigration of the writer's work; the indifference to his/her efforts.

I think I finally understand why I hate conventional stuff. That is, stories that conform to the 'standard rulebook' (the conflict-resolution format and its variants). It puts me in this painful and troubling dilemma: while I'd like to consider the story beautiful and unique, the other side of me dismisses it as just another typical copy.

A Sisyphean Existence

2008-05-13T21:03:00.002+08:00

-------------- A Sisyphean Existence --------------

My life is like Sisyphus' P?

How to pronounce

(hide)

you can pronounce it as see-see-fees

. Is yours?

Have you heard of Sisyphus (in Greek mythology)?

You are probably about to google "Sisyphus" already - Halt! You probably have not heard of Sisyphus. But it is okay. Don't bother. Just look at the picture above. That is the essence of it!

It is simple. The character in there is Sisyphus, a cunning king, and a sinful one. As a result, he had been condemned by the Olympian Gods to spend all eternity ceaselessly rolling a rock to the top of a mountain, whence the stone would fall back of its own weight. He would repeat this task again and again and again. The Gods had thought that there is no more dreadful punishment than futile and hopeless labour.

Basically, Sisyphus pushes the rock up, and down, and up, down, up, down... infinitely. A Sisyphean task therefore refers to a repetitive, mundane task.

That is all that is important and crucial to know about Sisyphus.

On a side note, you may additionally want to know that Sisyphus was banished to a mountain in Tartarus. Tartarus, in Greek mythology, is a place for punishment of sinners. It is dark, gloomy, and it is like what most of us understand as 'Hell'.

Don't you think the myth of Sisyphus is actually not so much of a surreal tale, but rather an allegory that strangely and coincidentally resembles our lives? Words like "burden", "mundane", "bore", "dull", "repetition", "futility", and so on seem to fit both the nature of our lives and that of Sisyphus. What if I am simply born into this condemned state? It is as if we are in Tartarus, a living hell. Our clockwork repetition of tasks daily mirrors Sisyphus' punishment. We wake, to work/play/study hard during the day, then sleep when night falls - only to have the small reset button pressed every 24 hours.

And the medium reset button pressed every 7 days.

And the large reset button pressed every 12 months.

And the colossal reset button ---

Nevermind! It's getting repetitive! Let us move on.

--------- ALBERT CAMUS: The Myth of Sisyphus and L’Étranger ---------

Albert Camus P?

How to pronounce

(hide)

and for this, you can drop the 's' because it is a voiceless/silent consonant, so it is typically just pronounced as cah-moo

, a novelist cum philosopher, based his philosophical essays on this story of Sisyphus. They are published in his book, "The Myth of Sisyphus".

Yes. It is a collection of philosophical discourses, despite the trivial appearance of the title. It is not a storybook!

Camus used it as an allegory for the human condition. He suggests, as most of us would usually assume, that death (ala suicide) in this absurd sensibility, is a kind of blessing, an escape from perennial boredom that amounts to nothing. Hence, absurdity.

But from an alternative interpretation offered by Camus, Sisyphus can be considered to be "happy". In the sense that he undertakes his task with immense resentment, and this emotion therefore gives his life meaning and purpose. Thus, if he sees himself as a rebel, then rolling the rock up again and again would not be absurd anymore.

On the contrary, while the above stems from extreme reflection (i.e. judge and decides to hate the Gods), the lack of reflection may also render Sisyphus as a happy man. Here, I am referring to his complete devotion to the task. The lack of reasoning, and consequently, not questioning "why am I doing this? what will I achieve?" prevents Sisyphus from seeing the absurdity of the situation.

I did attempt to read "The Myth of Sisyphus" by Camus ... it was tough. Seriously! The text is extremely heavy and dense, although not too many pages. I guess precise language matters a lot - not your typical page-turner kind of book. Moreover, Camus was French, and I've read that the French language, in certain aspects, is more precise/specific than English (e.g. there are 5 different words in French to specify the various meanings "reflection" in different contexts, but in English, "reflection" is just one generic word). What this means is that, perhaps in the English translation, much meaning may be lost... or that convoluted explanations are necessary to translate with precision. Sigh... I'll try to read it again next year, or a few years down the road, hopefully... hopefully I'll be able to understand it more fully then.

Alas - I'm not that bad, however. Albert Camus also wrote a novel, entitled "L’Étranger", translated as "The Stranger". This is so much easier to understand than "The Myth of Sisyphus". When we read fiction, we are essentially get into someone else's shoes and see what the persona perceives. I have read The Stranger, and I must say it is an extremely compelling novel. You must go and read it! In that novel, I stepped into Meursault's (the persona) shoes. And Meursault is, without doubt, unconventional. He is truly queer, or absurd as I usually like to say. His thoughts and emotions are --- different. I had thought it to be rather cool. I am afraid of spoiling it if I say more, thus, I'll leave the rest to you.

Go. Read The Myth of Sisyphus, and L’Étranger.

I guarantee they would be pleasantly thought-provoking.

The tyranny of J.C.F

2008-05-12T00:07:00.003+08:00

Starbucks walked into us, at Vivo, at dark. A double-shot something- (on second thought, it was quite good) was placed in your hands, and Java Chip Frappuccino (which undoubtly was better than quite good) into mine. It simply happened - not a deliberate spending. I thought it's just - tyranny.

It is my favourite drink from Starbucks, costing $7.30. What do you see in a cup of Java Chip (Grande, no whipped cream, please)? Do you see relish in the chocolate chips? Or perhaps relief in the compelling caffeine?

Java Chip. Tyrannical?

It is a simple, and even bare, object. A slave of Man and a soulless entity. A submission to our tyranny.

Or is it?

The sweet first impressions, no doubt images that are ingrained in our subconscious. Put there because our brain, like a super-absorbent sponge, is soaked in polluted society. Our minds are so saturated with myths, lies, impressions and whatnots. But beyond that, we see a fearful picture – its true identity.

A button is pressed. The blender hums. I perceive, helplessly and in despair, the menacing hailstorm brewing underneath its innocent and harmless disguise as a drink.

To salvage the bits of chocolate chip from hailstorm: the sins of indulgence, the synthetic indifference of polycarbonate cups and straws. And to ride the drift of the viscous blend of mocha Frappuccino: the disgusting concoction that poisons humanity, that poisons us.

Such a drink is the real life equivalent of Aldous Huxley’s soma. In his utopian postulation presented in his book, Brave New World, there is “always soma, delicious soma, half a gramme for a half-holiday, a gramme for a week-end, two grammes for a trip to the gorgeous East, three for a dark eternity on the moon...". Nothing is more valuable and desired than soma. Likewise, nothing betters the draw of coffee. The lucrative attraction of coffee business is one that is unlikely to tire anytime in the near future. (The survival of Starbucks, The Coffee Bean, The Pacific Coffee Company, Spinelli, and the nearly inexhaustible list of other modernist coffee-centric outlets that we see today affirms and attests to that) Coffee = Money. The comfortable existence of such coffee houses can be linked inextricably to the popularity and demand for this class of coffee in today’s society – even despite the expensive tag. My $7.30, it is worth it. Somehow, something convinces me that the $7.30 is just a small price to pay. $7.30 to pay for? What am I buying? My line of reasoning abruptly ends here. What different am I, a coffee-maniac, from a drug addict? This is the tyranny – Java Chip indulgence is like drug addiction. Each cup of coffee consumed for drowsy relief allows us to work for longer hours, thereby nudging the average number of working hours of society a little higher. Caught in the cycle, more coffee in consumed invariably to cope with the expectations of longer working hours. The terrifying prospect lies in the self-amplifying nature of the relationship between coffee consumption and work demand. Like soma, and like Ecstasy pills, coffee serves humanity in a way no different from the un-chivalry of superficial band-aids, hiding, stifling, but never bravely tackling the root cause of problem. Who now would grieve over at our foolish self-enslavement? Dammit. Our brilliant innovation - indeed!

The entirety of this ice cold beverage is the ultimate embodiment of our ignorance and indifference. Our character is as cold as the drink. Bridging that, is my cold, dead, frozen hand. Only now can I empathise with the insanity that a pro-environment advocate feels. Brainwashed and manipulated by The Drink, which he helplessly craves for on a regular basis, it is hard for him to be convincing when making his speech. The sins of caressing the polycarbonate cup and kissing the plastic straw can neither be forgiven nor forgotten, and surely will return to haunt him in the course of his speech. Open your eyes! This is how the world had become; the very ignorance of mankind is manifested in our everyday objects. Our Frankenstein creations! We fail to see them, however, because we are deceived by the apparent reality suggested by the hallucinations of soma – the superficial impressions ingrained in our psyche. So who cares even if the sea level will rise over our heads by next week? Just buy me my panacea from Starbucks right now (Grande, no whipped cream, please) – and all shall be well. Trust me.

Simply depressing. I look at that disgusting concoction, not knowing how to express it precisely. The slow poison that creeps within our body, the secondary tumours that spreads and spreads and spreads, evading removal. We can’t kill it unless we kill all of ourselves, so that it has no more left of us for it to spread to. By “it”, I am referring to none other than the superficial masking of genuine appreciation. The immense success of chemical sciences today has armed cooks, chefs and coffee-brewers (baristas) of today with a wide arsenal of ingredients. This diverse repertoire of weapons comprises everything from aspartame to sugar zeal, contributing to the grossly over-sweetened foods and beverages characteristic of today’s world. Perhaps troubled by their sins of indulgence and the synthetic indifference of polycarbonate cups and straws, or perhaps overweening at their triumph at chemistry, people of today appear to disregard sincere appreciation of food. This is unquestionably one of the triggers to the fervent debate and controversy over Frankenstein food, which largely refers to the infringement of genetics upon gastronomy. Oh, to lament such tyranny! It was never ever about the coffee that we love anyway. As we all know, our desire had always been linked to the brand that we must flaunt while satisfying our addiction. Starbucks coffee culture is an addiction – an addiction that is cultivated from our obsession, although its patrons are not quite in the same classification as despicable marijuana addicts. The patronisation of Starbucks, and other coffee houses of similar class and concept, has become a legal sort of drug addiction, one that is dignified, respected, considered upper-class and not in any way undesirable.

A drink seems harmless. An apple, too, seems harmless. But Snow White wasn’t too lucky, you see, for she truly thought the apple was harmless. On this note, I must caution, once again, that we should not think to sweetly of this sugary drink. A huge chunk of chocolate got stuck in the straw - luckily - I'm safe from that bite-sized shrapnel.

Life goes on, still, I could nearly forget everything. Almost as if I didn't realise anything. Almost. Despite perceiving the menacing hailstorm brewing underneath its innocent and harmless disguise as a drink, ambivalence quells in me, as I am absolutely powerless. I am merely the enslaved, and could only bewail the tyranny of Java Chip Frappuccino (Grande, no whipped cream, please). You could now only really understand why I desire the drink I despise, and loathe the drink I love.

(btw this is partly a re-work of some earlier stuff, still on my computer)

Zeitgeist

2008-05-11T10:56:00.002+08:00

***WARNING***
Part One is potentially offensive (w.r.t. religion), skip it if you must.
... other than that, the rest (about 911 - demystifying the cover-ups and so on) should be fine to most of you...

I think Peter Joseph may be too vehemently sceptical for his own good...
If Michael Moore convinces, then Peter Joseph slaps.
It is simply impossible to think of it all as an Inside Job, regardless of how well he substantiates that idea...
Definitely an ambitious project, furthermore, a non-profit one at that - Respect.

Go watch it @ Google-Video
(cinematography seems rather unpolished... but hey, it is a non-profit project)

Official Site: http://www.zeitgeistmovie.com/
Don't be a sponge: (1), (2), and you branch out to more criticisms from there...

Rhinoceros, small metal objects, and Class Enemy

2008-05-09T23:06:00.006+08:00

Three (worthy & interesting, IMHO) upcoming plays that I'd like to watch (and probably will):

Rhinoceros

Thought provoking, it should be, more than anything else. Original text by Eugène Ionesco. 'Rhinoceros' explores the absurd huh?

What is

(hide)

oh, just in case you were wondering, or somehow curious: I definitely didn't mean absurd as in nonsensical. I meant absurd, in the context of Camus and Sartre, i.e. the questioning of our conventional values and purpose. MORE INFO HERE

, a thick and heavy notion in a hilarious manner (according to reviews/commentaries).

Small Metal Objects

(click to watch the video preview)

As in the above, I think this is an attempt to bring background nuances to the foreground, where the 'overlooked details' are brought to center-stage.

Class Enemy

I find Bosnian movies/plays to be coarsely (hence, real) emotive - it is most likely just my subjective feel towards that language, i.e. the accent, pronunciation, etc... (since I can't understand the words).

Theatre-goers? Anyone? -
more details [here]

Cosmic concepts

2008-05-07T18:27:00.011+08:00

"Every textbook on the planet Earth says that the universe is made up of atoms, and some subatomic particles. Well, all those textbooks, are wrong!"

- Michio Kaku (Author of Parallel Worlds) [00:03:01]

Truly intriguing. Please buy about 45 minutes of time to watch this:

Channel: History Channel
Programme: The Universe

Synopsis:
Scientists have no idea what it is, but Dark Matter and Dark Energy make up 96% of the Universe. Dark Matter is everywhere. It passes through everything we know on earth at billions of particles every second, yet no one has ever gotten a direct detection of this mysterious dark substance. An even more bewildering force is Dark Energy, which is rapidly pushing apart our Universe. Discovered only ten years ago, scientists are struggling to comprehend its unusual characteristics and answer the ultimate question; what is the fate of our Universe? Using cutting-edge computer graphics watch as the universe is brought down to earth.

well... what say you after watching this?

I am just contented with now, but worried that in aeons from now, students will have so much more things to learn - hopefully they can cope. I think, being responsible, is being aware that each discovery you make means an hour less of sleep for others in the future.

One last breath - the paper flies.

2008-05-07T18:23:00.002+08:00

I have just consumed the 4th last piece of foolscap.

Sigh, I thought I had just started with a new pad of foolscap paper only so recently. We would think it is almost sad, even pitiful, that it lived its life completely the reverse of a photo album.

It doesn’t collect treasured memories. And it doesn’t get more valuable, more beautiful each day.

Pages, torn from this pad, are mercilessly scratched and defaced, then tossed to that green, orange, blue, or this colourless file. Colour coded, they are the respective recycling bins – one for biology, one for chemistry, one for mathematics, and one for literature. Miscellaneous fragments are simply littered around those bins. Don’t you see it now? What horror. The infiltration of consumerism and company.

I noticed the 3 pieces of paper left, and the sadistic lightening of my mood. While it is an affirmation of how much work I have done (I rarely doodle, anyway), it also reflects the foolishness all this while. I mentioned earlier that it doesn’t collect treasured memories. Yes, perhaps it doesn’t collect treasured memories, but, as it becomes barer, it takes on more wholly the form of a mirror. Past memories glare into you. You must certainly have remembered that moment of frantic copying, or that time-shift – the dubious 15 minutes interval between the two lines of words. Those fifteen minutes: The wonderful experience of manipulating space-time, travelling back from dreamworld in what felt like only a blink.

Yes that foolscap truly grates me. It is a puzzling object that I can’t comfortably grapple with – I will never, in my sanity, tear it apart. But I had never liked associating with the foolscap either.

2 pieces left actually, I had thought 3 – a friend must have consumed one just now.

2 units of time left, before that pad of foolscap expires. We can almost hear them, clinging on tenaciously to the adhesive spine, “…till death do us apart”. About time, I’ve about 2 pages of work to do now.

Exeunt.

PM cautions against witch-hunt

2008-05-07T18:02:00.002+08:00

PM cautions against witch-hunt

I personally think, while Mas Selamat himself may pose as a threat, the Government's response & reaction potentially poses as an even greater threat. Witch-hunt? Yes - and consequently the hysteria, as presented in The Crucible:

Context (before the video):
Tituba, the black woman, was caught dancing and chanting with a group of young girls around a fire in the woods. It was truly just a childish game, but Tituba was accused for associating with the Devil/ involvement in witchcraft.

In the video:
We see Tituba denying the accusations, but to no effect. Being tortured and under pressure, she gives a false confession, and then accuses 2 other women to show that she is sincere. The accusations, as observed, were simply accepted - there is no need for evidence at all (after all, you can't disprove witchcraft). Upon seeing how easy it is to accuse others, the group of girls (the crowd at the stairs) followed Tituba and deliberately and falsely confessed.

After:
What then followed (not in the video above), was the uncontrollable accusations, whereby the accused had no choice but to confess too, and they, in turn, accused more people as a form of vengeance. This spiraled out of control, thus, the hysteria.

Finger-pointing is a terrible and destructive sport. As PM Lee mentioned, DPM Wong Kan Seng didn't explicitly choose to disregard safety measures, neither did he "suggest that we didn't need so much fencing". It is not fair to impose on him the responsibility to account for every variable and the infinite possibilities of what may happen. Therefore, if there should be anything to be feared, it would be mindless and baseless accusations. John Fitzgerald Kennedy (JFK) perfects it: "The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie--deliberate, contrived and dishonest--but the myth--persistent, persuasive and unrealistic."

I am convinced that this is, A timely caution. An affirmation of our wise leaders.

my chocolate waffle

2008-05-04T20:24:00.001+08:00

Something funny happened to me today. I didn’t go high on drugs but,

With earphones plugged, things around me begin to appear distanced. A particular encounter amplified that distancing. A sense of detachment, perhaps, that I've become a spectator, unrelated to the happenings around me. It would be easier for you to understand, if I relate it to watching a play or a movie - things just happen, and you simply observe, and at most think about them. I was queuing up at a bread shop to get this chocolate waffle (the green coloured ones, you know… you can either have it plain, or have kaya, peanut butter… etc spread on it). I waited patiently, or rather detachedly, for my waffle to be made. And I was watching two people behind the cashier talking. Judging from their apparels, they were workers at that shop. They were talking rather animatedly, one of them flailing arms and bumping up and down on tip-toes. Of course, I couldn't hear what they were saying. Their dramatic conversation, so convincingly alive yet, having not heard a word, totally incomprehensible, struck me, as if, that I was really simply a spectator and they were consequently mere actors/players. Like watching television with the ‘mute’ button pressed. I watched as the scene before me unravels.

Now that you get the hang of it, at least vaguely, I would want to explain it more precisely. Watching a movie, seeing things simply happening, was not exactly/precisely what I felt then. Because in watching a movie, there is still a physical barrier (i.e. the screen) separating us from that world behind it; In what I had just experienced just now, that ‘barrier’ was non-existent. I thought that it would perhaps be more apt to say, it felt that I was in a/ using a 'Pensieve'. If you know Harry Potter, you would probably instantly get what I mean – the experience in a Pensieve. Basically it allows us to experience something fully, short of really being there. To slap on a wiki for those who have not read Harry Potter, a Pensieve "allows viewers to fully immerse themselves in the memories stored within, much like a magical form of real world virtual reality".

Not that I’m in someone else’s memory…but for that moment, I felt like I was a spectator of my own memory, and passively letting things around me unravel, waiting to see what happens next.

Earphones unplugged, a nod, plus a ‘thank you’, things then dissolved to their normal state. I’m now actively being there. That ‘detached’ moment was lost and I felt painfully normal again – I wish I could get back to that passive observer state, experiencing my played-back ‘self’ in auto-pilot mode.

You must have experienced something similar before, no? What do you think?

The 'No Underpass' Dilemma

2008-05-04T12:20:00.002+08:00

- weekendTODAY (3-4 May 2008)

Glen Yang is right.

I think rigidly inscribed guidelines (i.e. the law) shouldn't and couldn't be definitively used to assess human behavior, which is something that is still much of a mystery to us today.

What's this ? what's this ?
Is this her fault or mine?
The tempter or the tempted, who sins most? Ha!
Not she, nor doth she tempt ; but it is I,
That lying by the violet in the sun,
Do, as the carrion does, not as the flower,
Corrupt with virtuous season.

- Angelo, in Measure for Measure (II,ii,162)

Different context, similar dilemma.

It is a universally accepted truth that the 'aggrievator' should be blamed.

But when the aggrieved is also the 'aggrievator', and vice versa...
the straight, plain, universal truth, being twisted and folded, then becomes a tangled palaver.

How are we now to judge and divide the blame?

So who do you think is more at fault?

"Buses and taxis turn green" - but WILL YOU?

2008-05-03T23:24:00.003+08:00

Buses and taxis turn green!

In a move to do its part to conserve mother earth, SMRT is launching a fleet of environmentally-friendly vehicles.

Aside from a clean and green commuting experience, the new Euro V buses are also the first of its kind in Southeast Asia.

Dong Tianzhao with more.

Duration: 2 min 55 secs

from The Straits Times (online) - Multimedia

CLICK HERE TO VIEW THE VIDEO

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Some interesting points:

Transport sector: 19% total CO2 emissions
(but that 19% is composed, more dominantly, of private transport)

newer vehicles: 42% less nitrous oxide pollutants than older counterparts

there will no significant changes in fares (for taxis and buses)

-------------------------------------------

My first impression is that such a change is brilliant. (Finally) there’s some concrete change towards environmental friendliness rather than mere empty talks. (Finally) something to write about in the news.

---------------------------

A move towards environmental friendliness is always welcomed. Likewise, I firmly believe that charity events and donations are very noble and respectable causes. Yet in the cases above, rather unfortunately, there is still a need to be slightly sceptical – to discern and pick out the truly ‘altruistic’ ones from the rest, for some may simply be taking advantage of the situation to buff up their personal/corporate image by riding along the “go green” hype.

Environmental Friendliness. Environmental Friendliness. Environmental Friendliness.

I think the EF word has proved to be an extremely lucrative term. (Gasps)

-----------------------

I don't know what to make out of it. Somehow, there is a feeling that this change isn’t too significant. Perhaps, that it is not as big as it seems. I think it would be apt to describe it as: the biggest, smallest change. That is, it is a large scale change, but its impacts are tiny.

I consider the effects to be tiny because changing the buses and taxis would hardly impact our lifestyles and our mindsets.

If you have to get from location A to B urgently, you would just use whatever form of transport that is fastest and most convenient. And if it is by bus, you would take the first that arrives – be it one with a smoky exhaust, a solar car, a compressed natural gas fuelled car, or even a magical flying carpet...

If people’s mindsets do not change for the better, I doubt upgrading the hardware will be of much use. If this continues, we will just see more legislations forcing fine Singaporeans to install the latest catalytic converters, solar panels, fuel cells, and so on… Effectively, technological upgrades and improvements are commanding us to change our lifestyles. That is not going to be helpful. We should not be the slaves of technology. What we want is the reverse – the hardware to be commanded and driven by the people.

Achieving a mindset (software) change is not difficult, look:

If this carries through, and if the major supermarkets* and retailers follow suit, living through a day without sinfully touching a plastic bag may be possible. A month later, using plastic bags would become a conscious consideration. And a decade later, maybe you can find it in the antique shops.

*If I remember, NTUC did do something similar, but it takes effect only on a particular weekday… or something like that, so it wasn’t too effective. Pls correct me if I am wrong.

-------------------

Identity & Language

2008-05-01T23:33:00.009+08:00

Either this is weird, or I am weird, or you are:

------------

When someone calls your name, you turn around, right? Right.
(note that, calling your name does not equate to talking directly to you, it could mean hearing people saying your name in their conversation, et cetera)

Let's say, someone calls out, not by your given name, by whatever you are associated with, for example, "red shirt guy", "mugger", etc. You turn around too, right? Right.

That means you have accepted that as one of your identities - whether willingly or not.

I have always thought that it is safe to talk about someone, who is physically near you, without the person noticing. I thought it would be fine as long as you don't refer to them explicitly. That is, to avoid explicit language - just vaguely use "the auntie", "the girl", "that guy". I had always thought - but I guess I'm wrong.

I say this because there was once, significantly etched in my memory, when I was walking, with my friend, to the bus stop. We were talking (negatively) about an auntie we encountered earlier, who had like no manners... but that is not the point now, I shall not digress. We were talking quite loud, probably, and when we reached the bus stop, my friend started a remark (in a rather irritated tone), which was something like "eh, that auntie damn-" and walaa! 3 women suddenly turn around to look at us. *a moment of silence + eyeballing*. then they turned back.

Weird, because I thought people don't usually react that way. But it's pretty cool, we went other places to experiment. Tried out other 'trigger' words... and watch that amazement! It is rather amusing.

..and so now you know, there is not need to be so rude probe into people's phone. If you think test subject X loves test subject Y, conduct this experiment and anticipate the positive result for "X's boy/girlfriend"!
[Disclaimer: ~ just joking. ]

------

Well the earlier half on top is about how people listen and react ... this half is about how vague we had been...

At the NUS Co-op, a book on linguistics caught my attention. I saw the chapter on the use of explicit language and er.. something... it's the opposite lah. Basically the difference is that the earlier can be clearly understood without knowing the context, whereas the meaning in the latter is highly dependent on the context. To illustrate:

Three boys were playing football in their school's soccer field and one of the three boys kicked the ball...

contrasted with,

They were playing football over there, and one of them kicked it..

and you will realise the ambiguity and instability of the references.

I thought this point as mentioned in the book is highly relevant to what happened - the meaning of "auntie" shifted, slightly.

------------

Well, just my thoughts. I don't suppose all of you really care about such details.. but such stuff grates me every now and then.
Comments are always welcomed -

Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed

2008-05-01T10:37:00.006+08:00

I think this movie/documentary will be very intriguing...

Darwinism has always been flawed fundamentally, as is Science and reasoning. I think it has greatly changed the way we think, as in.. about knowledge and all that. Flawed - because although it is a more convincing school of thought in the 'core' areas of science - medicine, engineering, et cetera - it struggles (and arguably, fails) to explain human cognition and existence.

In my opinion, the alternative is simply an excuse - Creationism... and so the creator is the explanation for everything, including 'self.

I would go on to say, Intelligent Design is just a devious concept that attempts to straddle science and theology (reason and faith, respectively), conveniently avoiding both the paradoxes of the belief in God (that the omniscient, caring and all-powerful God allows evil & suffering; that He is both eternal and temporally present in time as a man) and the limitations of reasoning (keep asking "why?" to everything, and see how far can you go). This won't work out, nor convince me, because ... it isn't reasonable.

If Creationism is proposed as an addition to religion, then I'm fine with it. But to propose Creationism as an alternative to Science (herein defined as systematic rational thought), is nonsense!

Science probably will never provide all the definitive answers to all our questions, especially regarding our existence, but I think Science shouldn't and doesn't have to do so. That is not scientific reasoning is about anyway... I perceive it as a method of thinking, not a set of answers.

Aye, whatever, you may disagree. Please do.

here are some things to chew on, if you are still hungry:
the thesis
and the anti-thesis

and I hope the documentary will be out soon, in theatre or DVD...

I'm looking to it, not for answers... but... for a lighter perspective (it is a movie after all, how academic can it get?) on such a topic

anyone interested?

Birth

2008-05-01T10:25:00.004+08:00

At this very moment - my blog is born!

// blog design will come soon... I'm, after all, ashamedly HTML-illiterate, you know... and I don't think Flash can be easily integrated here... sigh.